thankful all over again

I spent part of my day today going through old emails to either purge or save [riveting work, I assure you], and I came across a treasure of emails from our wedding planning and house-hunting adventures - which, if you remember, was all happening at the same time. [To refresh your memory, we closed on our house four days before the wedding. FOUR DAYS! It's like I was trying to give myself a heart attack.] Me, Nate, my mom, my mother-in-law, and all my sisters sent emails about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, so I got to relive it all and spent the better part of an hour with a huge smile plastered on my face. 

I had almost forgotten that the details overwhelmed me early on, but Nate gently reminded me we'd make one decision at a time. [Does it really matter that the tablecloths won't match my dress? This was a real question that completely stressed me out...] The important stuff would happen and maybe the unimportant stuff wouldn't, but so what? And after that, it was [mostly] smooth sailing. No, in fact the tablecloths do not have to match my dress. [Who notices those kinds of things anyway?] The tiered cake can only be vanilla? Ok. We can't find the pants for the groomsmen in everyone's size? We'll figure something out. No one can find the bows for the pews [or pew bows, which my sisters and I kept calling them because it's hil-arious - we're so mature]? They're not necessary anyway. What mattered is that my families worked so hard and so well together to make our wedding day everything we hoped it would be and that, at the end of the day, Nate and I would be married.

Planning with my family really was so much fun, I married the man of my dreams, and Nate and I had the best day ever. And today, I was thankful for that all over again. 

2015 reading goal and book reviews

At the beginning of the year I listened to Jamie Ivey interview her friend, Lindsey Paschal, on her podcast. [Which, by the way, is so good - when I found her podcast, I binge-listened to them all!] Lyndsey read 52 books in 2014  - I'm not sure if you just did that math, but that's a book a week. Did I mention she's a mom to two young kids? Talk about accomplishment. I immediately decided to set a reading goal of my own for 2015, although I wasn't crazy enough to think 52 books was realistic....

I decided on 30 books in 2015 in honor of my 30th birthday and set up a Goodreads account to keep track. [Goodreads is a game changer - you know all those times you thought I want to read that book...later and then forgot? It keeps track of books you want to read, books you're currently reading, and books you've already read. Every time I have that exact thought, I search for it on my Goodreads account and add it to the books I want to read. I'll never forget again!]. 

Below is a list of the books I've read through May with a tiny review [because who wants to read a blog with 15 full-out book reviews - too much]. And you can friend me on Goodreads here.

1. Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table, with Recipes by Shauna Niequist
I've already written a little bit about this book here, but I'll say it again. I LOVED it. One of my favorite reads of the year about life, making space for one another, and making good food. 
Top three for the year - 5 stars [Can I give it 32 stars on a 5-star scale? I guess I can do whatever I want on my blog...]

2. Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist
Since I loved Bread & Wine so much, I decided to go back and read her first book - and it was so worth it. Loved this book of short essays about celebrating the small things.
5 stars

3. Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand
I love historical non-fiction (and fiction too, for that matter) and was so glad I read this. It's a beautifully written and very real story about the life of Louis Zamperini and his time in the service and as a POW in Japan in WWII. So inspiring.
5 stars

4. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
This story of a very dysfunctional marriage, while very well-written, just wasn't my thing.
1 star [brutal, I know, but it's how I felt...]

5. For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards by Jen Hatmaker
Just ask my husband, I love everything Jen Hatmaker. She's a truth-teller, but she does it with such sincerity and grace - a true representative of Jesus. And this book was my favorite of hers, which is saying something. It comes out in August and every woman I know needs to own it. 
Top three for the year, 5 stars [or 32 - again, my blog]

6. Anne of Green Gables (Anne of Green Gables, #1) by Lucy Maud Montgomery
I listened to this in my car on my commute and loved every second. It's a beautiful story of an unconventional family born from adoption. And it reminds me of my childhood with my gramma - making cherry aid and watching Anne of Green Gables on VHS. 
5 stars

7. The Wildwater Walking Club by Claire Cook
It's a simple story of a woman who finds herself again... It was a cheap buy on my Nook, and I ended up really liking it.
4 stars

8. Lincoln's Last Days: The Shocking Assassination that Changed America Forever by Bill O'Reilly
Again, I love to read about history. Informative and interesting, but not particularly well-written. 
3 stars

9. Anne of Avonlea (Anne of Green Gables #2) by Lucy Maud Montgomery 
I listened to this one in the car as well. It's the second story in the series about Anne's time as a school teacher. This series is just so endearing.
5 stars

10. The Husband's Secret by Liane Moriarty
A very intricately woven story about a secret that binds three women. Again, well written, but not my favorite. 
3 stars

11. Anne of the Island (Anne of Green Gables #3) by Lucy Maud Montgomery 
You'd be surprised by how much time I spend in the car. Thank God for free audiobooks. It's the third story in the series about Anne's college years. I loved this one as well.
5 stars

12. Anne's House of Dreams (Anne of Green Gables #5) by Lucy Maud Montgomery
The fifth story in the series is about Anne's marriage to Gilbert Blythe. [I skipped #4 because I couldn't find a free version. Haha!] I think each one of these books is my favorite and then I remember I love them all equally, but differently.
5 stars

13. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
A fictional story set in World War II about two people on different sides of the War whose worlds are intertwined. I thought this was beautifully written and loved every word.
4 stars

14. Nobody's Cuter than You by Melanie Shankle
I actually bought this book at Amazon's suggestion with I ordered Shauna Niequist's new book, Savor. Then I heard Melanie on another one of Jamie's podcasts and I thought hey, I just bought her book! Then I found the podcast Melanie regularly does with Sophie Hudson - these women are hysterical. Don't listen to them in public - people will wonder why you're constantly cracking up...all by yourself. [Not that I know from experience...] All that to say...I love everything about Melanie, including and especially this book about the importance of girl friends. Loved it.
Top three for the year, 5 [32] stars

15. The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins
I read this book because I had heard such good things about it, but it was another one of those that I wasn't crazy about. It was a very intricate, well-written story, but not for me.
3 stars

I would love to know what you're reading this summer! 

don't you know that's not your name

I heard this song on my drive to work this morning, and in the midst of a season in my life filled with so much uncertainty, I felt free. I hope you can read through them [or listen here] and know that no matter what is going on in your life, no matter what your story is or was, no matter what others say you are [or what you call yourself on your worst days] that is not who you are in Christ. 

Greater

by MercyMe

Bring your tired

Bring your shame

Bring your guilt

Bring your pain

Don't you know that's not your name

You will always be much more to me

Everyday I wrestle with the voices

That keep telling me I'm not right

But that's alright

Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed

When others say I'll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

In the world

In the world

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

Bring your doubts

Bring your fears

Bring your hurt

Bring your tears

There'll be no condemnation here

You are holy, righteous and redeemed

Every time I fall

There'll be those who will call me a mistake

Well that's ok

Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed

When others say I'll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

In the world

In the world

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

Whoa ohhh ohhh

Whoa ohhh ohhh

He's Greater

He's Greater

Whoa ohhh ohhh

Whoa ohhh ohhh

He's Greater

He's Greater

There'll be days I lose the battle

Grace says that it doesn't matter

Cause the cross already won the war

He's Greater

He's Greater

I am learning to run freely

Understanding just how He sees me

And it makes me love Him more and more

He's Greater

He's Greater

There'll be days I lose the battle

Grace says that it doesn't matter

Cause the cross already won the war

He's Greater

He's Greater

I am learning to run freely

Understanding just how He sees me

And it makes me love Him more and more

He's Greater

He's Greater

Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed

When others say I'll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

In the world

In the world

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

There'll be days I lose the battle

Grace says that it doesn't matter

Cause the cross already won the war

He's Greater

He's Greater

I am learning to run freely

Understanding just how He sees me

And it makes me love Him more and more

He's Greater

He's Greater

[There's so much truth in all these words, but I italicized my favorite parts]

gather

I just finished reading Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist. I devoured it. Could not put it down. The writing and the recipes... I am inspired and encouraged, a better person for reading it. It was good for my heart and my soul, and it very naturally lead to such intimate prayer time with my Savior – not just talking, but really listening…

For a very long time, I have just let life happen. And while that is very me, in the last few months, I have felt called to…more. So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about 2015, and while I have [lots of] ideas, I don’t yet know what “more” is.

But I have lots of ideas. Me. And while I have been praying about it, it was more like talking at God than having a conversation.

But while I was reading Monday, curled up on our comfy loveseat overlooking our backyard, it struck me – the people God has given me, those people, those relationships, they are what matter. They are my tribe, my community, my “more”. And being intentional about those relationships is the most important thing.

So my theme for 2015 is…

Maybe it’s a big traditional gathering like Thanksgiving or Christmas; maybe it’s being in the kitchen making a meal with my family; maybe it’s hanging out around the table on a Saturday afternoon enjoying a conversation with my husband and my daddy; maybe it’s serving with my church family or singing alongside them in Sunday service; maybe it’s a cup of coffee with a friend.

Maybe it’s all those things and then some.

But no matter the gathering, I will be intentional about creating space for life with the people I love - space for conversation, space for laughter and tears, space for my people to come and tell their stories because they know they are loved. Because those honest moments, good and bad, are our lives. And I want to be present for it all.

Father God, thank You for Shauna and for her gift of words. Thank You for knowing me well and for caring enough to give me a book to read at just the right time. Bless this year. Bless my people. And bless the gatherings, big and small. May You be honored in all of it. I love You so much. Amen.

happy new year!

As 2015 is just beginning, my heart is yearning for a fresh start, a blank page.

This is the year I can do something to make a difference; it’s the year I can dream big; it’s the year I can do something about those dreams.

And while I believe that is possible, I am still someone who wants to get up earlier, but am not a morning person. I am still someone who wants to do big things, but sometimes doesn't want to do anything at all. I am still a person who desperately wants to know more and more about my Jesus, but sometimes isn’t willing to do the work. I am still someone who knows the right thing to do, who desperately wants to do those right things, but sometimes doesn't.

That can be life, can’t it?

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.”  [Romans 7:15-19]

On my own, I am nothing but someone with good intentions who is drowning. But the great news [the news we just celebrated at Christmas] is that we are not alone. I am not alone.

“What a wretched [woman] I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”  [Romans 7:24-25]

I am clinging desperately to that truth this year. 

And so, this year, I am remembering all I learned this advent season. I am remembering that Jesus came as a baby, fully God and fully human, to set us free, to set me free. I am remembering that while I will always struggle with doing the wrong things, He loves me. He pursues me. There is grace and mercy. For me. And I’ll never have to wait for a new year for a fresh start.

“In Him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”  [John 1:4-5]

Father God, thank You for Your truth. Thank You that You are my constant Pursuer, that You know me, every corner, every thought, and You love me anyway. I pray, Father, that I would live in Your truth this year. Father, I pray for those reading this, that they would see You and experience You in new ways this year. I love You so much. Amen.

Happy New Year, my friends! 

happy birthday Carter-bug!

Today is my little Carter-bug’s fifth birthday… I can’t believe it’s [already] been five years with my “favorite little boy.”

I remember waiting in the hospital room that day after my sister’s water had been broken, thinking he would be here so quickly. [Little did I know he wouldn’t arrive until the next day…] Being in that room was the most miraculous and magical experience: only God could create something so terrifying and beautiful. I remember thinking that day, I want to do that. Me. When all my life I had told my family and friends that whatever little girls have inside them that makes them know from such a young age that they want to be moms, mine was broken. That is, until Carter. He made me see things differently and want things I’d never wanted before.  He captured my heart from the very beginning…

I remember the first time he said Nana and knew he was talking about me…
That his first word was ball. [And he said it about anything that even kind of resembled a circle…]
He thought a cat said, “Ooooow.”
And he called his uncle Nate “Nate Drew Miff.”
He’ll tell you all about his favorite team, “KENTUCKY!”
[And if you ask him about his uncle Nate’s favorite team, he’ll say, “Loo, Loo, Loo – Loosiers!” I taught him that, thank you very much…]
He’ll tell you his favorite place in the whole world is Rupp Arena [because of the inside fireworks…]
He’ll tell you he doesn't need to take karate classes because he already knows karate. [Duh…]
I remember Karissa telling me in his siblings class, when all the other little kids were saying their favorite songs were things like Old McDonald Had a Farm, Carter said his was Yeah, by Usher.
I remember convincing him to do push-ups in the middle of Casa Brava and laughing until I cried.
I remember him walking in this past Thanksgiving, looking so sad and telling me it was because he missed me (even though I see him and little Adalyne at least once a week…)
And I remember that same day he leaned over and kissed my hand during prayer.

I love that sweet, thoughtful, incredibly kind and funny little boy and I am SO thankful God chose my sister and our family…

Father God, Jesus, thank You. Thank You a million times over for our little Carter. Thank You for his kind and compassionate spirit. Thank You for all the times he made me laugh until I cried. Thank You for his tender heart. Thank You that he is such a protective son and big brother. Father, I pray You would mold his little life, that he would grow to love You and serve You, that he would be a man after Your heart. I pray he would always look out for his sister and his precious momma. Father, thank You that he changed me – that he changed us all. Thank You for this one. He means so very much to us. But then, You knew that. You did it on purpose. I love You so much. Amen.

goals with grace - november edition

In Indiana, there are few things more beautiful than September, October and November. And November is quickly becoming one of my favorites! Sweaters, scarves, family and food - it just doesn't get any better than that! And with a new month come some new (and some not-so-new) goals...

Goals For November

Finish our fireplace room remodel! We love LOVE our charming little home, but we knew when we bought it that it would require some updates to make it feel like ours (good-bye wood-paneling, hello dry-wall). Our fireplace room is the first room to receive a down-to-the-studs make over – and with Thanksgiving right around the corner, we’re kicking it into high gear. My hubby has done a GREAT job and we’re in the home-stretch. We just have to finish laying the floor and buy and install the trim and we’ll be ready to host the 2^nd annual Smith Family Thanksgiving!

Start a Bible study! My sweet little country church has but one ladies Bible study, and while I love those ladies dearly and cherish our time together, I just cannot get there in time this year. (Silly work…) I was so sad Wednesday morning when I realized they’d meet that evening without me, and I felt God whisper: You could start your own... What better way to love on your community than by inviting women into your home and investing in their lives… I love people, but I’m a natural introvert, so this would be a stretch for me. But who am I to say no to God?

Write! As a new blogger, it can be hard to 1. set aside the time and 2. actually use that time to write something. I love to write. Love. It. But it can be so intimidating! My goal for the month is to write once a week. My sweet friend Bethany and I have been meeting on Saturday mornings which has been such a blessing to my heart. Sometimes you just need a little accountability, ya know? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13 (Does anyone else sing that verse Steve-Green style? I can’t be the only one who listened to those songs when I was little!)

Finish reading The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst. When I have the time, I can just fly through a book. But the key is having the time. I’ve been making a little time each night before bed, but it’s slow going. So this month, I will finish!

Decorate for Christmas! I promise to wait until after Thanksgiving, but it I want it to be done by Dec 1 so I can celebrate Jesus and enjoy everything Christmas all December long!

What are you up to this month? Whatever it is, I hope you enjoy every minute of this beautiful time of the year!